Developing a more balanced mindset ☀️
Balancing fear of failure with optimism to make bolder decisions
When I first started leading product at Monzo, I felt really out of my depth. I was scared I wasn’t going to be good enough at the role, I had a pretty intense fear of failure. This fear of failure meant that I took some actions and behaved in ways that made me do the job much worse. I wanted to prove that I could lead a strategy, so I spent weekends writing strategy, which then blindsided people that felt excluded from the process. I wanted to show that I could achieve a lot, so I’d say yes to too many things. We took on too much and my team felt overstretched.
If I had less fear about failure, I would have taken the opposite approach in both these situations. I would have slowed down and collaborated with everyone on strategy. I would have talked through the consequences of taking on more work, and made the right decision on what to say yes to and what to say no to.
That fear - which was essentially me really caring about doing well - was blocking me from doing that. If you’ve experienced this, you know how frustrating it can be.
So, why do we do this?
Fear of failure can be your best friend on your shoulder, it can help you prepare for hard things and help you achieve your goals. But if it’s not balanced with a focus on reward, or with optimism, it can hold you back.
In a fast growing company, you’re constantly finding yourself in new situations and working outside your comfort zone. When we're outside our comfort zone, we can feel fear of failure more than usual. This can lead to our brain taking a pessimistic view of trying new things - that if we try it, it won’t work out.
Our brain is essentially overestimating the risk of trying new things, it’s being super cautious and playing it safe.
Playing it safe can mean many different things. It can mean not giving feedback because you’re worried it will go terribly. It can mean not having that difficult conversation because you think it won’t help. It can mean taking a low risk strategy, with no potential for big wins. It can mean not empowering your team, because you’re used to being involved in everything.
In the first few months of the role at Monzo, playing it safe meant writing the strategy myself and trying to work my way out of a new situation. Rather than try something different.
Not everyone feels this way. Our brains are all wired differently. I know people that can keep the focus on reward and optimism, even in the most stressful and high paced situations. I’ve learnt a lot from seeing these people in action. I’ve learnt that a more balanced mindset allows you to have the confidence to try new and less predictable things, and to believe that they’ll work out. Even when you feel far outside of your comfort zone.
Balancing your mindset
There are a lot of ways you can work on changing, or balancing, your mindset. I’ve explored a few, and the one that works best for me is an evidence based approach. It doesn't work for me to "think more positively". I need to do something and see it work out.
I map out the actions that each mindset - the pessimistic and optimistic - would suggest. Then I take some of the actions from the optimistic mindset, and move towards that mindset if the evidence points in that direction. (If it sounds familiar, it’s because it’s similar to a hypothesis test 🧪).
Let’s work it through with an example of giving constructive feedback.
Step one is to map out my pessimistic and optimistic mindset - the narrative, the actions I’d take and the outcome.
Step two is to take action and to start taking steps in the direction of the optimistic voice. As you take the action, over time your mindset adjusts if those actions get positive results.
For giving constructive feedback, this would look like:
Start by giving some constructive feedback (feel terrified and nervous but I do it)
It goes well
Give some more constructive feedback (feels less scary this time)
It continues to go well
Start to believe that feedback is valuable and should do it more
Give constructive feedback (feels like the obvious thing to do)
Let’s work through another example, writing a newsletter (one that I'm working through at the moment).
Step one is to map out my pessimistic and optimistic mindset - the narrative, the actions I’d take and the outcome.
Step two is to take action and to start taking steps in the direction of the optimistic voice. As you take the action, over time your mindset adjusts if those actions get positive results.
For writing the newsletter, this would look like:
Start by writing one post (it might feel uncomfortable sharing at this point)
Get some positive feedback and a couple of messages
Share a second post (might still feel hard, but not as hard)
Get some more positive feedback and enjoy the process of writing
Share a third post (start to feel a hint of excitement vs pure nerves)
Start to feel a mindset shift ☀️
You don’t have to jump in the deep end
Sometimes the narrative is that you have to do the big, scary thing if you want to move away from fear, but that’s never been my approach.
Small steps are easier to take, and they provide evidence that it’s ok to take risks. So if feedback is the thing you’re finding hard to do, start by sharing constructive feedback with someone that you have a high level of trust with. Or go smaller - and write out the constructive feedback and share it with a friend or mentor first to get feedback on your feedback.
I had an accident over the summer in my campervan and it made me think about all the things that could go wrong driving. To get my mindset into the optimistic - think about all the adventures the van helps me have - the first drive I did was down the road. I didn’t force myself to go on a huge drive.
Build up the steps, build up your confidence, build up the evidence for the optimistic mindset.
Mindset changes are hard, but so is playing it safe
This approach is hard. You’re pushing yourself to do new things, and hard things, and believe they’ll work out. Rather than assume they’ll fail. This takes self reflection and work to push through the discomfort.
The reason to do it is that when you map out the pessimistic and optimistic outcomes, the optimistic outcomes win for me every time. I’d rather give something a try and push through the discomfort than play it safe.
I’ve realised that for me, playing it safe is a different flavour of failure. You miss out on truly focusing on what you care about, and you miss out on the unexpected joy and upside of trying new things.
Working with me
I coach product leaders at early stage tech companies. I partner with you to help you become a more self-aware, confident and fulfilled leader. You can read more about how I work and get in touch here.