Let's talk about money 💸
You don't have to love negotiating, but you need to do it. And talk to your friends about it.
For most people, negotiating is not fun. It’s not something you’re overjoyed to do at the end of a long interview process, and possibly an even longer job search. I have a friend that loves negotiating, but the rest of us need multiple pep talks to get out there and negotiate. Myself included.
The truth is, in our current system you have to negotiate to get paid fairly.
Let’s be clear - there’s a lot wrong with our current system around negotiation. Most job postings don’t include salary ranges, offers are shared without the working out, and it’s rarely stated that negotiation is expected and normal.
Women get left behind in this system. The gender pay gap in the UK for all employees is 14.9% and 11.9% among full-time employees. In 2021, the pay gap widened. This gap is wider for women living with a disability, Black women, Brown women + LGBTQAI+ folks. Many things contribute to pay inequality. But new research by the Fawcett society shows that the negotiation process disproportionately maintains pay inequality. There are changes that can, and should be, made to the system. (The Fawcett society is a great place to start reading about them)
The focus of this post is about navigating the current system, broken as it is.
This is a post for everyone. The more we can all do to normalise and talk about the times we do negotiate, and how we do it, the more that benefits everyone. I’ve had some of the best advice from male friends on this topic, and it’s in this post. So you’re all welcome, just don’t keep anything to yourself.
My process is made up of wonderful advice from people and books over the years. Let’s dig in 👇
Ask the company to share the range for the role
Next time someone asks for your “expected salary” or “current salary”, you don’t need to share. You can ask for the expected range for the role, and how they’ve got to that. I usually say:
“Can you share the salary range for the role? I’ll let you know whether that works for me”
It’s easy for them to ask you for your current salary, but it can put you on the back foot in terms of negotiation. Research from the Fawcett society shows that over a third of people lie in response to this question, so it’s just a ridiculous question to be asked.
I’ve never shared a number upfront and no one has had a problem. If you are still asked, share this research with them and your reason for not sharing your previous salary.
Take your time to think
When you receive an offer, you can take time to think about it. Don’t feel the pressure to accept immediately! I always take an offer away and read it through. I give myself a couple of days to think on the number.
If I’m excited about the role, I definitely share that excitement. But I ask for that time to think.
“I’m so excited to get the offer, thanks for letting me know. (Usually some tears and joy and giddiness thrown in). I loved meeting the team and it feels like a great fit for me. I need to take the details of the offer away and have a think. Can you send over some more details on how you got to £X number? And can we book a follow up call on Friday?”
I can feel emotional and excited when I get a job offer. It helps me to write down what I’m going to ask for in terms of time to think before I jump on that call. Otherwise I know I might just say “sounds great!” or start negotiating on the fly.
I can’t see the downside in asking for that time. If you need to move quickly, maybe it’s just a couple of hours. But that time allows you to think outside of the emotion and excitement of the situation.
Build up your benchmark data
There are three ways you can do this:
Look on glassdoor to see salaries for the company you’re applying to. It’s not always the most accurate (incomplete subset) but it gives you a starting point. I find it most helpful to see differences in averages between companies. You can also search “salary” in the more detailed reviews.
Use otta for average startup salaries. It’s just an average, but a very helpful data point. You can adjust the location, which is really helpful when looking for roles in / out of London.
Ask individuals! Talking about money can be awkward, but if you don’t ask other people it’s going to be really hard to benchmark yourself. I ask friends in similar roles for their salary, and explain that I’m about to negotiate and want to make sure I’m asking for the right amount. Finding out that a peer is making £30k more for the same job is painful, but I’d rather know. Be generous sharing your salary with others too - this starts a culture of reciprocity. I’ve often found it takes one person to lift the lid on numbers, and everyone starts sharing and realises the power in sharing.
Focus on your why
A friend at Intercom shared the book Getting to Yes with me when I was going through a salary negotiation for a promotion. The part that stood out to me the most is the idea that you share your interest, rather than share your position.
What this means is that you share what you really care about. Why does a certain salary matter to you? For me I quickly realised that it’s often about fairness. It really matters to me that I’m paid fairly for the work that I do, and that it’s in-line with what my peers are earning.
I can think that an offer is generous, and still negotiate. Working in tech, I think we get really really generous salaries. I’m asking for more because I believe I’ve got as much value to bring to the table as anyone else.
When I was at Intercom and going through the promotion process, I’d asked around and I knew what my peers were earning. I shared with my manager that the thing that mattered most to me was that I was earning in-line with my peers. The negotiation was easy after that. She understood what I cared about. If you just say a number, you can end up negotiating back and forth and not really solving the underlying need.
Examples of how you could do this:
It’s really important to me that I’m paid fairly. I know that the average salary for a VP product role at a series A company is £X. I’d like to come in close to that number.
I’ve got financial commitments - mortgage, bills, childcare - that I need to support. In order to meet all of those and remove any financial stress I want to make £X minimum.
I’m saving up to buy a house at the moment, and it’s a goal to save up the deposit this year. I want to be able to save towards that on top of rent / other expenses. In order to meet that goal (which is really important to me) I’d want to be earning £X per year.
Understand the company’s perspective
Just as you have your reason for suggesting a certain number, the company and your hiring manager does. It’s so important to understand and learn about their interests. Not just their position (the £ amount).
Part of this is you taking some time to remember that this is another human making decisions, and trying to do their best job. Let’s say you’re speaking to the CEO of an early stage tech company. Their position is probably something like:
They’re trying to make this company a success and be mindful of expenses before they’ve hit profitability.
They’ve been given a framework and structure to follow by the people team. They’re trying to do what they’ve been guided to do.
They want to be fair with what’s offered at other companies at a similar stage.
It’s really important to remember this. Go into the conversation and be prepared to listen. You’re negotiating, and that involves learning and adjusting. This is not about demanding a fixed amount.
For the parts that you’re not sure about, ask! I always ask to see the salary framework that they use internally to help me understand how they make offer decisions. If they don’t have one I ask “How do you decide the £ value on salary offers?”
When I was offered a role at Monzo, they did an amazing job at sharing how levelling mapped to salary ranges and why they were offering me a certain amount. I signed on for less than my original goal because I understood the offer. I understood how it related to other people on the team and it felt fair.
Be open to multiple options
If you know the motivations for both sides - it opens up other options to negotiate on, other than salary.
Sign-on bonus: This can be an option if salaries are on a structured framework. Remember to check the terms - they often have to be repaid if you leave within 12 months.
Expenses: Companies can cover certain expenses e.g. health insurance, coaching budget, learning budget that if you’re paying for already yourself can be a great benefit.
Days per week: Maybe the company can offer a four day week at the same salary.
Equity: You could ask for additional equity at the same salary.
It’s much easier to ask for these if you tie it back to the why. Take the four day a week example - are you asking for this so you can earn some additional advisory income on that day? Or is this because you are able to do some childcare? Or is it because you really value that extra time to go climbing and running and see friends? It’s easier for people to offer the right package if you’re honest about what matters to you.
Bring your friends along on the journey
One of the most helpful things for me has been normalising discussing salaries, negotiating and money in general with my close friends and family. When you’re going through this process, share with your friends, who will give you the pep talk you need.
I still need those pep talks before money chats. I’m the first one to push my friends to see their value and push for me in negotiation, I find it harder when I’m the one negotiating. So help each other out.
If you’re about to go through this process, and have any questions, I’ll do my best to answer them. You can add them in the comments or send me an email. And if you want a pep talk, I can do those too.
Working with me
I coach product leaders at early stage tech companies. I partner with you to help you become a more self-aware, confident and fulfilled leader. You can read more about how I work and get in touch here.