Start with one small change š±
Start small, find consistency, and see big changes by the end of the year
I canāt remember the last week when I didn't go for a run. Not because of a rigid fitness schedule that I firmly stick to, but because itās become very deeply integrated into my life. The way I socialise with some of my closest friends is by running through the mountains, the way I explore new places is by running around the streets, the way I switch off from work is by taking a run in the middle of the day.Ā
Itās not always been this way. I hated cross country at school and I have a memory of jogging behind my mum and sister and wondering why anyone would enjoy doing this.Ā
I first started running in a consistent way when I lived in Vancouver. We had a lunchtime running club at work, and I started with a short lunchtime run once a week. Then I started doing two runs a week. Then I started running to work. This change didnāt happen in a single moment. Itās happened very slowly, over time.
I donāt always manage to follow this slow and steady approach. I often set an ambitious goal and lose momentum. I forgot why that goal matters, or I set the bar so high itās hard to get started, or I get frustrated that things arenāt changing quick enough.Ā
Iām trying to build a habit around writing at the moment. Specifically, I want to write regular, high quality content for my newsletter. I want to bring this change in the way I bought running into my life. In a long lasting way. Not in a sudden burst of excitement and then see it die down.Ā This post includes my reflections so far, on how I can do that.
Understand your motivationĀ
Iāve learnt that if I donāt have a strong internal motivation to achieve a goal, then it wonāt happen. With running my initial motivation was to get outside at lunchtime and hang out with friends that were part of the running club. It wasnāt about running a marathon, or getting a fast time. I kept going with the weekly runs because I was excited to get fresh air and catch up with people I didnāt work in the same team as.Ā
Iāve said all year that I want to start writing more but Iāve not made it happen. I wanted to start writing more because I felt like I should do, not because Iād taken the time to define whether it was important to me.Ā
Iām now much clearer on why I want to write more. I love writing - it helps to clarify my thoughts and helps me be better at my job. My primary motivation is to write in order to help me figure things out. I hope by doing this that I get more awareness for my business, but thatās not the primary driver.Ā
This might sound subtle, but itās helped me make time for writing because I know why the goal even matters in the first place.Ā
So when youāre thinking about change, ask yourself why that change even matters in the first place. If you find yourself saying ābecause I shouldā or ābecause itās expectedā thatās a watch out.
Accept the enabling changes
Even with a strong internal motivation to achieve something, there will always be things that get in your way of chasing a goal.Ā
If youāre trying to build a new change in, there are more changes than are initially obvious. I found running really set in for me when I learnt to think and make the changes that enabled the running. Iād remember to pack lunch on a running day, Iād adjust my diary so I had no meetings over my running time, Iād be ok with going to work drinks half an hour late.Ā
So, when I think about writing, I need to remember itās not just about writing. There are other changes Iām going to have to make. Those āenabling changesā are the ones I really need to work through and accept before I can expect to start writing more.Ā
The enabling changes Iāve come up with so far are:Ā
Taking on fewer coaching clients
Having fewer hours of free time
Maybe less time for running - I plan to write on Monday, I usually do a long run on Monday
Occasionally getting up early to finish a blog post on Tuesday (plan to post on Tuesday)Ā
Feeling moments of stress if no one reads my newsletterĀ
The one that feels hardest out of that list is less time for running on a Monday. That time is important to me. I need to find a way to regain that time in the week, otherwise I can see that Iāll start to resent having to write on Monday because itās taking away from something else that matters.Ā
So get clear on what the enabling changes are, and whether youāre willing to accept those. This is the hardest part of change. We often focus on the optimism and excitement of the new change, without being honest with ourselves about the implicit other changes that need to happen.Ā
*Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey have done some incredible research on how we make changes happen, and dive deep on these competing commitments / enabling changes if you want to get more into this part.
Lower the bar
When I started running, it was never about being āgoodā at running. It was purely about getting outside and chatting and enjoying lunchtime with friends. If I expected to be good at running from the start, then I donāt think I would ever have got out there and done it. The first 10km I did was about getting around, not about focusing on a time.Ā Ā
Iāve been trying to learn how to do pull ups recently and to start Iāve literally lowered the bar. I start with my feet on the ground, vs hanging. Easier to do, easier to get started. If I tried to start with a full pull up, Iād still be staring at the pull up bar.Ā
This year I struggled with writing because I spent too much time worrying about how good a post was, and whether people would like it. I wrote multiple newsletter posts that I never published. I set the bar way too high.Ā
Recently, Iāve broken this down by focusing on building a habit first and then in a few months Iāll work on diving deeper into my engagement / reach metrics to set a higher bar. For now success is getting posts published. Yes I want to feel happy with everything I publish, but if I set the bar too high then Iāll never share anything and learn from that process.
So when you start something new, it can help to lower the bar. If youāre building a habit of giving feedback, start by giving positive feedback or start by giving project based feedback vs tackling a big, gnarly piece of behavioural feedback for someone you find hard to communicate with.Ā
If you donāt lower the bar, the first step is basically a huge leap and youāll constantly put it off.Ā
Celebrate the small steps
Back to lunchtime run club. There were a few people that were amazing at celebrating that weād done our furthest ever run, every time it happened. Weād high five as if we were the first people to run 8km, then 9km, then 10km. I loved that we celebrated progress, rather than focusing on the gap between our split times and the fastest runners. Progress is what mattered.Ā
I know sometimes, focusing on the gap to the best is motivating and inspiring. I look at amazing newsletters like Lennyās Newsletter and Gergelyās Newsletter, and it definitely inspires me. But if all I did was focus on Lennyās thousands of subscribers vs my 100 subscribers (thanks all of you!) I donāt think Iād feel the forward momentum.Ā
I want to make sure I celebrate all the milestones next year, every subscriber that joins, every reader that reads my newsletter.Ā
Once you start the habit, itās about celebrating the progress, rather than overly focusing on the steps left to go. So if youāre wanting to find more focus time in your week, celebrate the days you did get that focus time rather than beat yourself up about the days you miss.Ā
Change one thing at a time
I know Iām not the only one who is thinking about change at this time of year.
Often we go into the new year with a long list of things that we want to change, and resolutions we want to make. Can you strip that back and give yourself the focus to change one thing that really matters?
Keep it simple, and keep it focused. Start small, find consistency, and that will grow into something special by the end of the year.
Working with me
There are two ways we can work together:
I run a cohort based programme for leaders in early stage companies. š£ Our 5th cohort is open for applications š£ Dates are Feb 15th - March 22nd, 2023. You can find out more and sign up here.
I coach product leaders at early stage tech companies. I partner with you to help you become a more self-aware, confident and fulfilled leader. You can read more about how I work and get in touch here.